Tag Archives: alzheimers

Outings

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Today found Lauren  and Mickey off to Dev’s for the final tune-up before next week’s show.  They had a good lesson, in fact, I believe Dev may have said Mickey was as good as he has ever looked.  Wow.  Not where I thought we would be after our summer off work.  I am very pleased.

Today found me taking my mother to the nail salon.  She had “fake” nails on and has had them (not the same ones) for many years.  I have needed to get them off of her but have not been able to get her to the salon.  I was frightened about what we would find under the “fake” nails.  And not to be too graphic but I am unclear if my mom has had a pedicure since leaving Tucson last March.  I was not going to take that on and none of my daughters were volunteering.

The trip to the nail salon was a huge success with newly painted hot pink toes and finger nails.  I am pretty sure she kissed the nail girl goodbye.

Successful outings all around.

Momma’s friend Mr. Alz

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Kendyll is not quite three months old but looks big next to my momma

I am learning so much about the world of the elderly and with it the world of Alzheimer’s.  I had not had much access to my momma in the past.

Sure I called every day but it is easy on a phone from miles away to not notice the little things.  Now seeing her every day, the patterns emerge and what you thought was just an odd comment is more of the norm the altered reality of life with momma with her constant companion-Mr. Alz.

Some days she seems fine and almost can tell who I am before I introduce myself.  Other days, like yesterday, her eyes are wild and frightened,  her reality is so warped. Nightmares play out in scenes of normalcy.  Things she thinks are beyond belief, crazy. 

The odd part is that the most re-occurring belief is one of persecution.  Everyday she has a story of how she was left out, belittled or bullied.  I have learned these things do not happen.

Saturday we brought her new clothes and in child-like abandon, she tried on new things and her smile lit all the way to her eyes.  She said it was like “Midge Brown’s birthday”.

Yesterday, we found her frantic by her doorway.  She had been dressed in pants with zippers and buttons.  She could not manage them herself. She did not understand.  She thought she had gotten too fat to get the pants down over her hips.  We took all the zippered pants away yesterday.

She seemed subdued yesterday.  But she wanted to see baby Kendyll.  A great-grandma holding her great grandchild.  It was a special moment.   A rare moment these days when the clouds have not settled too close to her brain.

I worry constantly now.  It is another gift of having her close by.  I can no longer act as if all is okay.  And the guilt.  It is overwhelming.  No matter how often I see her, no matter what I try to do, I feel I should do more.  It is not enough.  It can never be enough.

I have learned some things in this time about decency and kindness.  I have learned to greet each patient with a smile.  I try to remember their names and their stories.  So as I walk the halls with my momma, perhaps I can acknowledge someone else’s parent with their name and a remembrance of some of their personal history.

Perhaps it is the best I can do.

Nothing special but it was!

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It was a good weekend at Six Meadow Farm maybe not because we did anything special but because we did not.  It was a weekend for chores and horses and family.

Friday I got momma to the doctor for the first time in Texas and she was pronounced healthy and doing well except for needing to eat a little more.  We can work on that.    Then I picked up Jordyn for a sleepover.  I don’t often express it, but am so grateful and humbled to be able to share my life with my grandchildren.  I look forward to Jo’s visit all week-long. 

Friday night, Jordyn was determined to ride the new pony Mimi.  It had not worked out the week before with schedules so we were going to do it first thing this week.  Lauren and I saddled up Mimi, Mickey and Feather with Jordyn knowledgeably helping brush and groom. All the horses were a little fresh and I was skeptical about letting Jo get on Mimi.  Remember, this is a young, and for all intents and purposes, unbroken horse.  Mimi also has a history of dropping her riders to the ground.  But Jordyn was determined.  I was determined to hold on to Mimi no matter what.  We went to the mounting block and Jo climbed aboard.  For a moment, I thought we might be in trouble and then Mimi seemed to make her mind up that she would cooperate with Jordyn.  So, off we went.  Mimi was a trooper.  Jordyn was very proud of herself.  It was a little inspiring to watch them (or would be if Jo had any idea how fast Mimi could have put her on the ground).

After that, Jo rode (sat on while we walked around) both Mickey and Feather.  Big stuff.  Mickey and Feather worked well for Lauren.

My email pinged as we went in with word from University of California that Mickey does not have the Impressive disease-he is HYPP/NN.  Amazing news.  I am so grateful that we will not have to fight the HYPP battle.

Saturday we went to the Equestrian Center to take a saddle to be checked, take some shots for Snowboy (Dev will give later) and to watch a few rounds of the show.  It felt odd not to be able to be there with Mickey.  Hopefully, he will be back soon.  The high point for Jordyn was to be able to see and then meet part of the family that is related to Harry DeLeyer the owner of Snowman, for whom the book the Eighty Dollar Champion was written.  Snowman, The Cinderella Horse, (a children’s book about the same horse) is Jo’s favorite book.  She studiously shook hands with young AJ DeLeyer and seemed a little in awe.  AJ told us his grandfather would be coming to Houston in January to do a motivational speech.  Count the Davis’ in-I would love to meet this man who won the national championship on a horse he bought from the butcher for $80.

Later Lauren and I visited Nanny.  She was so excited to see us.  I just want to go to see her face light up.

We rode Mickey and Feather out on the hay road.  I don’t want to jinx myself but he did not cough once.  We had several good long trots.  It was a beautiful evening. 

Really glad I did not walk through this on my way to feed this morning!

This morning we got up to heavy fog with sun starting to peek through.  Nature had been busy overnight spinning webs that shone in the morning light. 

Today, as we started getting the horses ready to ride, everyone was acting goofy.  Feather has never done well with tying but today she reared multiple times and was just acting dumb.  Mickey and Mimi were not incredibly agreeable either.   I rode Feather (who is much easier to ride since all Dev’s and Lauren’s work).  We picked up the right lead (her tough one) the first time!  Lauren had a good solid ride on Mickey and the coughing was minimal.  Bravo!

We rounded out the morning with Lauren getting on Mimi and taking her on her first trot.  Mimi is doing very well.

I went and picked up my mom and she came to watch her Broncos play my Texans.  We figured out she had lived over 50 years in Denver so she was cheering on Denver as I cheered for the Texans.  Texans won-yeah!  Denver needs to knock off the whole trying to kill our quarterback thing.

I made an old recipe of my sister’s that mom seemed to really enjoy.  It was a nice change to have a good Sunday dinner.  Might want to make it our new traditions.  So good have her here, in my life.

What would it be like?

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What would it be like to wake up each day and not have any idea where you were?

The room looks familiar but it is not your home.

What would it be like to have a person bathe and dress you when you do not know who they are?

When you were always a very private. modest person and now must be naked with strangers.

What would it be like to spend your days with others who know even less than you?

Scanning each person who walks into the room to see if you might, possibly recognize them.

What would it be like to not be able to see well enough to read or find items in your own room?

When you had carefully organized things and had a spotless home for years.

What would it be like to not know if someone would be kind to you?

Especially when you are tiny and not even one hundred pounds.

What would it be like-all these things? 

Well, they are my momma’s world now.  I cannot imagine what it would be like.  How brave she is, how brave she must be.