Category Archives: Losing my mother-the advancement of Alzheimers

Stories of my 89-year old mother’s daily, weekly and continuing fights with dementia and alzheimzers.

Mom-Assisted Living Decisions

Posted on by
2

My mother and I (both a little younger) at Amber’s wedding.

A couple of quick updates on an emotional roller coaster kind of day.

First, last evening Lauren and I visited the last in hunt for Texas assisted living facilities.  How do I know it is the last?  Because it was lovely, the people were kind and mom can have a room with two closets. Serious selling point for her! It is six miles from my home.  It would be hard to beat that combination. 

So, my mom will come here alone without her husband to live out her days in Wharton, Texas.  I think it will be a good and realistic decision for her and one which she will settle into and enjoy.  I will go to Denver at the end of August and together with Amber’s family, pack up her belongings and fly back to Texas with my mom.

Ally and Lauren will be busy here turning her rather industrial room into something soft, pink and comforting.  The plan will be to get her moved and settled over the long Labor day weekend.  I know it will be an adjustment for her.  She will miss her daily visits from Jim, but I hope we can offset that loss with regular and consistent visits from all of us here.  Lauren and I met a few of the residents.  They inquired if mom played dominoes or bingo.  When we said she really didn’t know how, they asked if she liked to visit.  In Texas that means chat with one another.  We told them, yes, she liked to visit.

The view from her room is of trees and flowers.  The facility is small and I think mom might be able to navigate it a little better than where she is now.  It is so big I think she is afraid to leave her room for fear of not being able to find her way back.

I wish my dear mother nothing but peace and gentle days.  I hope we are headed in the right direction.

What I Learned from Nursing Homes

Posted on by
3

I wish I could be the person that works at an assisted living place or a nursing home. Due to communication issues (and no memory cells on the behalf of Jim or my mom) they forgot I was coming on Friday and I spent a lot of time waiting and observing at their facility this weekend.
That is good because I learned about the flow of the place and saw first hand how the staff interacted with the patients. I saw the facility in the early morning and late in the day. I talked with a lot people that lived there. I was immersed in a world where I was seemingly the only one without a cane, walker, or oxygen. Not that I can’t use any of those things on any given day with my mobility problems.
I learned that if I worked at an assisted living facility I would be a better person. Why? The staff goes out of their way to be kind, to be considerate of others, and to be cheerful. I need to incorporate all those things into my day. Why don’t we try to do that in the corporate world? Would we not be better off for it?

The person at my work who is cheerful brightens a lot of people’s days. I am more likely to be the grump or the complainer. I am going to take what I learned at Clermont Christian Living and try to apply it to my life. To be kinder, happier and warmer. It shouldn’t be hard but I know it will be. But how much richer I will be if I succeed.

Family Matters

Posted on by
1

My mom with her youngest great-granddaughter, Lexi at a recent visit.

My sister died the year my daughter Amber was born (1982).  My father died in 1991 so it has been just my mom and I for quite some time.  Of course, I am lucky to have my girls and their families as well.  But in terms of my original family it is just the two of us.

My mom has been remarried, to the OB-GYN that delivered me, yeah, that’s a little crazy, for over 15 years.  She now lives in an assisted living facility in Denver.  Her husband, Jim, is moving in with his elderly sister. My mom doesn’t really understand why Jim is leaving her. Although moving does make sense from Jim’s perspective as he can stay with his sister and not incur the cost of an apartment.

I am off today to Denver to try to get my mom situated and little more secure.  Ally and Jordyn will go with me for this fast trip.  It will be nice to see Amber, her family and for the cousins to get to see more of one another.  Ally is seriously pregnant so it certainly will be her last trip before baby Kendyll makes her way into the world.

It is so much harder than I thought it would be to have elderly parents.  My parents took care of me, and then we kind of co-existed side by side.  My parents and then my mother were available if I needed them.  But now she needs me.  She has dementia and her eye sight is failing (macular degeneration of the retina).  She gets confused and agitated.  And the lady who would never dream of going out without make-up, lipstick and her hair done, has trouble getting dressed each day.  I miss my mom.  I am sure she misses her old self, too.

This trip will bring some hard decisions about her care.  There will be papers to sign and things to change.  In the midst of all of it, Jim will have his 95th birthday.  If I am lucky I will be doing as well as he does at age 95.  He bought himself a brand new Infinity SVU.  He drives it proudly if not erratically.  He is continuing on with his full life of computers, cameras and cars.  My mom is stuck solidly in a new world that she did not design nor desire.

I don’t know if it is time to bring momma home (my home-not hers) to Texas.  I could see her more and observe her care better.  I don’t think she is ready but how do I know?

I know she is alone in an assisted living facility with no family and no friends.  She is fortunate to have Jim visit her along with some terrific long-term friends/care givers.  But is she lonely and confused?  I think so.  Is moving her away from her husband the right thing to do?  I don’t know.

My mom loves me.  She loves her granddaughters and great-grandchildren.  She doesn’t necessary remember who any of us are by sight. But once we remind her, she gets it.   I hope I can bring some cheer to her this weekend.  And leave her filled with a little of the love I feel for her. 

I pray that God helps me know what to do for her and when.