Things have caught up with me, this week, this weekend. I try to see my mother every day. It isn’t hard to see her it is difficult to carve more time out of already full days. I don’t know if her place is supposed to do her laundry but we took it all home. I think she changes clothes eight times a day. There were several loads-hanging, folding, and taking it all back.
Jordyn came down on Friday. It was pouring rain. But I had promised she could try to ride Mimi so we saddled her up in her stall, out of the rain, and Jo sat on her quietly for quite some time. It reminded me of me, as a little girl, just wanting to be around the horses. I was looking forward to Saturday when I hoped the weather would clear off and Jordyn could actually ride in the ring.
Saturday dawned overcast and still raining off and on. Ally called and wanted to pick up Jo early so she could spend some time with her dad (he has been working nights). Both Jo and I were disappointed with abrupt change in plans. I try to help out the kids and wish I could help with Amber’s as well but sometimes I feel just like another baby-sitter when my plans are not taken into account. It was a quiet Saturday afternoon after Jo left. No one rode.
I was keeping in touch with Caitlyn as she rode the finals of the Talent Search and Maclay Regionals. It was not to be her year. Her rides were not what she had practiced, not what she wished and not what she expected. Still she needs to hold on to how hard she worked to make it as far as she has! She is a top junior rider and her ride will come. Another day to shine, Catey, another day will be yours!
I am struggling with all the roles I am playing now. So much responsibility for my mom. Struggling with all the family dynamics as well.
It is also so odd to not be going to horse shows as the fall show season is now in full swing. I miss my friends and the horse show routine. Normally, Mickey would be polishing his rounds and headed to finals in just six weeks.
Dr. Criner may have made a major catch on what is going on with Mickey. I spent this afternoon snatching hair follicles out of Mickey’s tail. They will be winging their way off to University of California-Davis for a genetic study. We may have the answer and some solution for what is happening with Mickey. More when we get some answers.
I love my family and try so hard to do the best for them. Days like today I just feel lost and inadequate.