Momma Lost

Mom, a few years ago, confident, calm and happy in Tucson.

I know I have thought these thoughts before

I find my mom so lost, so alone, so frightened

I don’t know how to help when she only remembers what I say for a few moments at a time

I can’t give her any reassurances that last past the moment

With tears in her eyes she begs me to let her come home

I must say no, momma you can’t come home

And she doesn’t understand, she is just alone

Jim will come next week and I do not think she will know him

It should be a joyful reunion but I am afraid she will be scared and uncertain

I am so afraid that I am losing her a little each day

I pray that she will be content and not so insecure

I pray I find a way to reach her once more

I HATE this disease that has taken her from me

One that takes all of her that was good and leaves this little shell

Don’t tell me that I am doing all I can because there must be more

something I can do to return her to how she was before

Something to just give her peace. 

Oh, please God, just give her peace

4 thoughts on “Momma Lost

  1. We are living the same nightmare. When we leave Bessie, she always wants to know when is she going home. It’s easier to say “tomorrow” than go through the whole “you are home, Sam is dead, it is 2012 . . .

    • It is hard, Becky. Each day I make a point to stop and talk with Bessie as well. I pat her on the shoulder and compliment what she is wearing or just try to be friendly. She has no idea who I am but she does look for me in the dining room each night and seem to take some comfort in my acknowledgment of her.

  2. I’m so sorry Cindy that you both are going through this. It’s heartbreaking. My mantra that helped me with Sharyl’s illness was “I didn’t cause this (easier to accept), I can’t fix this (much harder) but I can surround her with my love while I am with her.”.

    I still struggle with wanting to “fix” and somehow undo all the suffering that Sharyl and Lori and the whole family have suffered. It is illogical, yet enduring that I’ve give myself so much beyond-human responsibility. One thing I do know for sure, is that Sharyl felt my love.

    Love to you,
    Lu Ann

    • I feel like I missed so much when she was in Denver/Tucson. But you are right, the best and only thing I can give is love. I have that in spades. Thank you for being there with me in this journey.

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